Reality

This past week has been very discouraging. The reality of not being able to go to Lesotho because of not raising enough supporting has hit me hard. I'm really at a loss of what to do. I must have $1500 raised by the end of this month in order to go, and I'm not close and I have 9 days. I know God is an awesome God, but is He that awesome? I've been trying to think of anything and everything I could do to raise money, but haven't come up with anything. Inbetween working 30 hours a week, plus 21 credits of classes, plus the three hours of homework per each credit (so that's 30+21+63= 114 hours a week of work and there is only 168 hours in a week). I'm slightly overwhelmed to say the least!
Many friends have suggested that there will be other trips to Lesotho and other trips to Africa and maybe I'm not supposed to go on this one. I've really been struggling with that. I've never just wanted to go to Lesotho, it has never been on my list of things to do. It's not the place. It's the people, it's what we would be doing, that has captured my heart. I LOVE loving others. I don't mean to sound self-glorifying when I say this, and believe me that is far from what I mean. But I LOVE serving, and helping, and working with others, and just showing them Christ's love through my actions, not necessarily my words. It truly is what my heart is. And that is why I'm struggling. Because I want to go love on these missionary families who are burned out and tired. I want to love on these children who were orphaned because of AIDS. I want to give them teddy bears for Christmas and see the joy in their eyes, because when all has been lost they still have hope.
And this is reality. Reality is I might not go. Reality is another time, another place. Reality is disappointing, but it's reality.
Reality also is that I know that God has me in His hands and regardless of what happens, His plans are better than mine. Reality is that I have a Heavenly Father who would never do anything to hurt me, if I would just trust Him to guide me instead of making my own plans. Reality is I must trust Him.

But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord's praise, for he has been good to me. ~ Psalm 13:5-6